If you'd like to help Speedway decorate the store with colorful skulls, download this template and color to your heart's content. Decorate your house and then bring a few into Speedway so we can add it to one of our skull garlands. 

Quien con la esperanza vive, alegre muere!

BOOKMANS SPEEDWAY has 20 advance screening passes for you to snatch up. All you need to do is stop by the Info Desk and ask nicely. Each pass admits two for the screening at Century El Con Theater on Monday, October 13th, at 7 p.m. One pass per person, no phone calls to hold.

Passes are extremely limited, so it's first come, first served!

Jay is currently the Executive Director for the Northern Arizona Book Festival and the Managing Editor for Two Dogs Press. Carswell is co-founder of Gorsky Press and author of Drinks for the Little Guy, Glue and Ink Rebellion, and Train Wreck Girl.

Free snacks and drinks will be provided.

Picture retiring from dinner with an espresso, and wandering into the Audiotorium, a vast purple and gold arena with seating for 1,000. And there, imagine being entertained by stand-up routines from Dennis Miller and Jay Leno, followed by premier first readings of unedited new work from Dean Koontz and Stephen King...with the lights turned low, of course. After this? Romantic ballroom dancing with the author or narrator of your choice. (I chose the third richest woman in England, myself, and we tangoed until almost midnight and sipped so much champagne she mistakenly called me "Harry" at our goodbye kiss.)

Suffice it to say, the ship itself was well-fitted, luxurious throughout, and that although the registry was unknown, the liquor ran freely, and the midnight buffets feature ice sculptures, caviar, prime rib, and "Death by Chocolate" cake. (After a dramatic reading of Elizabethan poetry by the tipsy duo of Scott Brick and Orson Scott Card, a sword wielding game of Truth or Dare ensued between narrator Grover Gardner and author Thomas Harris.)

Yet before you dial your travel agent and book passage, it's my obligation to say I cannot recommend either this ship or this trip. Why? Well, it wasn't the food, the accommodations, or the wonderful authors and performers with whom one may share canapés for seven glorious nights. Oh...oh no. It was the other passengers. The ones in steerage, I mean. One in particular.

It began innocently enough. We were steaming toward Jamaica when the guy lazily reclining in the deck chair next to me looked at the iPod in my hand and suddenly said: "We aliens like to listen to audiobooks too." I looked at him, and then...then he winked. Twice. On the second wink I spewed Kahula and cream I'd been sipping all over myself. Luckily, Elizabeth Peters and Robin Whitten were sitting out of range beyond him, precluding additional embarrassment...although I did have a good excuse for it. After all, the guy doing the winking had two eyelids, the second resembling in icky green jelly-like membrane. Other than this rather minor oversight he could have passed for any Price Is Right contestant. When I finally regained the ability to talk, I didn't know what to say. I remember the only other conversation we'd made up to that point concerned the perception of American tourists abroad; the cliche image of balding middle aged men you see everywhere with camcorders around their neck, with their oafish pomposity, and penchant for littering. Mentally tabulating my possible responses to this new and startling revelation, I formulated - in about 3.6 seconds - these alternatives:

"Excuse me?" I said, because at first I thought he'd read my mind, and meant my drink. But then he pointed at the audiobook on the table beside me.

"Oh," I said robotically. "Have you heard John Grisham on audio?"

The alien nodded. "I like The Testament especially, but mainly because of the narrator," he replied, nonchalantly.

I believe I blinked. I can't quite remember at this point.

"We don't have many good narrators on my planet, don't you know," he added, after a moment.

"I see," I said, although I didn't. And didn't want to. From there the conversation turned only more bizarre, breaking the oft written rule on board the S.O.S. Improbable, which was DON'T ENGAGE OTHER PASSENGERS IN SERIOUS CONVERSATION. A rule I hadn't taken seriously, much to my regret.

As it turned out, he was from the planet Thurbann in the Vega system. He'd landed on Earth in a debris-fueled ramjet which dropped out of warp drive in the vicinity of Neptune, and he claimed to have coasted to Earth and set down in the Indian Ocean near the Maldives. Now he was just sightseeing, and picking up audiobooks -- which apparently is what Thurbannese crave most.

When I mentioned that I'd never been to Jamaica, he replied: "That's amazing. I've seen everything there is to see on MY home planet."

"Really?" I said. "And what's it like, exactly?"

"Pretty boring. Most of our perfectly round globe is covered by water eight inches deep. No volcanoes, mountains, canyons, oceans, nothing. We live far underground, where everyone pretty much watches TV. We have few writers, but lots and lots of game shows. I've noticed that your planet has lots of game shows too, but Earth has mountains and canyons and oceans, so we often wonder why."

"What do they eat on Thurbann?" I asked, intrigued.

"DID, not DO. No one lives there during half of the solar year, which incidentally is about three hundred of your Earth years. We're on an elliptical orbit, you understand. In our winter, when temperatures drop about two degrees cooler than summer, we all leave because the oceans freeze. What you would call fish merely hibernate. But the flying turtles take to the air and use the time to reproduce."

"Flying turtles?"

"Topaus. They're what we hunt and eat. It's not fair to hunt them when they can't hide, though. So there's a ban. Won't be open season on them, in fact, for another hundred years."

"What are they like?" I asked.

"Like sea turtles in a way, only their flippers are bigger and flatter. Over the ages they've adapted, you see, to falling sea levels. History has it the oceans were once deeper. Maybe even as deep as two miles."

I gasped for air, and possibly to stay conscious. "What happened to all that water?"

"Well, one theory has it some tourists from a very dry neighboring star cluster have been visiting Thurbann for ages. They arrive during our winter when we're gone and take home 'souvenirs' as you would say, of water. Or rather ice. Couple thousand years more of this and ours will be a desert planet. Already we got ozone holes all over the place, and global warming."

"So the loss of water means..."

"Since we have no temperature variations and therefore no thunderstorms and lightning to produce ozone like you do, less water to us means less of our oxygen producing plankton. And less oxygen, of course, means more holes for radiation. More radiation and it's the end. Our turtles are doomed. Ergo, we are doomed. That is, unless we can restore the water somehow. You know, find a planet somewhere that has ice caps and a global warming problem, but doesn't see that their water levels are rising because we're stealing ice. See how it works?"

"You mean kinda like your coming to Earth for audiobooks?"

He winked very rapidly two dozen times. "That's it," he said. "You got it."

"I've interviewed many interesting people," I told him, sincerely, "but never anyone like you."

"That can change," the alien replied, with ominous intent. "By the way, you can call me Zeereeaanean."

We shook hands. "Hi Hal," I said. "I'm Jon. You don't mind if I take notes, do you?"

"Not at all. It's what I've been doing." He shrugged and winked twice again. It made my heart do what might be described as back flips. I scribbled frantically. "Tell me. When do your people return to Thurbann?"

"Oh, in about a century. Like I said, when it's open season."

I dropped my pencil, inadvertently. "That's...that's a long time."

"Not really. I can't speak for others, but personally I like to spend at least that long to get the feel of a place. Only another ten or twenty years and I'll be on my way to what you'd call Epsilon Centuri. Now the narrators there are superb. Bit loud, though."

"Tell me about it. Please."

Here I was hoping his head wouldn't part, revealing an icky gelatinous brain with eyes and teeth. Then he reviewed several strange audiobooks for me in a way no human had before, or could. I was particularly fascinated by his description of the 800 decibel narrative style of the triple-throated Zaabiian Wofbat.

"Do you like science fiction?" I queried. "Asimov, Clarke, Heinlein?"

"We enjoy that a lot," the alien I called Hal confessed, "except we call it Humor."

"What about Robert Jordan, or Terry Brooks?"

"Or Goodkind? Fantasy is great, especially if you tire of Daze of Our Lies."

"You...you watch soap operas on Thurbann?" I asked in disbelief.

"Unfortunately, yes. The signals from your first season have just reached our planet too, I understand, and I'm afraid we're in for endless reruns from other planets as well unless I can gather enough audiobooks from around the galaxy in time to stave off ennui." He snuffed. "Is your next question going to be can I communicate with dolphins?"

I found myself stuttering for the first time. "You t-t-t-tell me."

"Okay, I will. Your next question is...just a minute...will I have to kill you, now. The answer is no, I don't think so. We don't like to kill book lovers. But if you'll take me to Simon Cowell... By the way, I can read minds when I really focus sometimes. That's how I know who I can trust to tell these things - or who will be believed. But I can never read the future. It's rather hard to read something that isn't there yet."

"I know what you mean," I replied, balling up my notes, and shaking like a trailer park sign at an approaching tornado.

By the time we disembarked on the cruise line's private island, I was drunker than a sports addict at a Tupperware party, and laughing like what Hal called a "skeek-sa." As luck would have it, we met the next day at the beach, me with Beach Music by Pat Conroy on audio. But when I saw what Hal had, I was shocked once again. Here he was, wearing Bermuda shorts now, a straw hat, and with one of those plastic, blow-up inner tubes around his waist. At the sight of the Bullwinkle horns, I winced. And winced again when from one hand he strategically dropped a chewing gum wrapper while his other hand gripped a rum punch with one of those tiny umbrellas in it.

"Hal," I said, approaching him in dismay. "You...you look just like a...a tourist!"

Hal grinned. "But that's just what I AM," he said, giving a prophetic laugh. At which point several dozen other passengers looked over at me and winked...twice.

Jonathan Lowe is author of FAME ISLAND, GEEZER, AWAKENING STORM, and POSTMARKED FOR DEATH. He has been an audiobook reviewer and judge in the Audie awards for over a decade, and has an anti-TV author website at JustSayNoWay.com.

The Runaway Brides suffered just one loss this year and that to The Brutal Beauties in May. The Brides have had two more bouts under their garter belts since then and have been working tenaciously over the past few months in anticipation of this rematch. Bride co-captain, Dirty Martini, will be stepping down for the 2009 season, but plans to leave with a first year team championship under her belt. The Brutal Beauties have had the Arizona Derby Dame Championship trophy swathed in pink since November of 2006 and they plan to keep it that way come October 11th.

Make sure you stick around for the half time event, husbands and boyfriends of the Arizona Derby Dames, also known as the "Widowers Club" will strap on some skates for quick men's exhibition roller derby bout (two 10 minute periods), so they can get a feel for the sport that competes with their ladies' hearts, minds and of course, time. The themes for these teams of lusty lads are pirates vs. ninjas. The pirates or "The Mighty Mateys" features the men behind the women of the Bombshells, Schoolyard Scrappers and Coffin Draggers. The ninjas or "The Ninja Slippers" is made up of the men of the Brides and Beauties working together as a team for the first time! Watch for LoLo and Cruella DeMille of the Schoolyard Scrappers as fight refs for this bout to keep the men in their places.

The Castle Sports Club is located at 11420 North 19th Avenue, Phoenix, AZ, 85029, (602-331-2582). Doors will open at 7 p.m. with the bout starting at 8 p.m. Advance tickets can be purchased for $8 at all Bookmans locations. $8 general admission tickets, a limited number of $15 reserved front row seats, as well as discounted reserved seat group tickets are available at brownpapertickets.com. Tickets will be $10 at the door the night of the bout. Kids 12 & under are admitted free. After the game, follow the Dames to their official party venue, Hazelwood's First Place Bar and Grill, on Indian School Road just east of 36th Street.

Don't miss the Arizona Derby Dames at the Arizona State Fair this year during the month of October. Catch the Dames at the main gate to the fair near their new home for the 2009 season, the Coliseum, from 4 p.m. until 9 p.m. on October 10, 14, 16 (including right before the GooGoo Dolls concert), 21 (including right before the Sheryl Crow Concert), 23, and 28. The skaters will be holding exhibition scrimmages, training sessions and skating demos each date.

Arizona Derby Dames 2009 season begins in January 2009. Please watch www.arizonaderbydames.com and www.myspace.com/azderbydames for details.

Don't miss Arizona's premiere event for the best in horror, science fiction, and cult cinema, featuring Re-Animator star Jeffrey Combs. Films slated for this year's Fest include:

• The Alphabet Killer
• The Blob
• Centigrade
• Dead Bones
• Detour
• Frazetta: Painting with Fire
• Hell's Ground
• Kirksdale
• Look at Me
• Prombies!
• Ray Bradbury's Chrysalis
• Re-Animator
• The Rocky Horror Picture Show
• Tokyo Gore Police
• Zombie Gets a Date
• And lots more!

Buy your VIP passes or Flex passes at any Bookmans location and receive 20% off! What do these passes buy you?

• VIP All Access Pass: Full access to all of the films showing at the Festival as well as entry to all parties and front-of-the-line access to all screenings. You'll also receive an official International Horror & Sci-Fi Film Festival t-shirt. For $100, it's a steal!
• Flex Pass: Four individual screening passes to your choice of four different movies. Only $25.

And watch for the Bookmans crew at the festival to score some free swag!

For more information, visit the official International Horror & Sci-Fi Film Festival website.

TUCSON: Saturday, October 18th
(Kids Halloween Costume Party, 2-5 p.m. at all Tucson stores.)

PHOENIX/MESA: Saturday, October 25th
(SteamCrow Monster Party at Phoenix at 1 p.m.)
(Kids Halloween Carnival at Mesa, 2-4 p.m.)

FLAGSTAFF: Friday, October 31st
(Magic, balloon sculpting, and face painting, 2-4 p.m. Candy and goodies for trick-or-treaters 14 years or younger, all day. Coupons for customers in costume, all day.)

BOOKMANS PHOENIX: Thursday, October 2nd, 6-8 p.m. The Got Milk? Halloween Tour will be in Phoenix while authors Michelle Parker-Rock and Daniel M. Davis read their Halloween stories. Kids can get chocolate milk mustache photos and other cool Got Milk? stuff. 

BOOKMANS PHOENIX: Saturday, October 4th, Halloween Kids Crafts at noon and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown at 1 p.m. We'll be creating fun Halloween crafts in the community room, followed by a special screening of a Halloween classic!

BOOKMANS SPEEDWAY: Saturday, October 4th, 3-4 p.m., Halloween Cookie Decorating. Get ready to break out the orange frosting! We'll be transforming cookies into delicious and scary treats.

BOOKMANS INA: Saturday, October 4th, 3-4 p.m.  Halloween Cookie Decorating. Get ready to break out the orange frosting! We'll be transforming cookies into delicious and scary treats.

BOOKMANS GRANT: On Saturday, October 4th, 3-4 p.m. experience Patrick the Magician's Halloween Show! Bookmans' favorite magician, Patrick, will be performing a special show in honor of everyone's favorite costumed holiday.

BOOKMANS SPEEDWAY: Wednesday, October 8th, 3-4 p.m., Halloween Bag Decorating. Create your very own creepy n' crawly canvas bag!

BOOKMANS MESA: On Saturday, October 11th, 3-9 p.m., it's an Alfred Hitchcock Movie Marathon! 

BOOKMANS INA: On Saturday, October 11th, 3-4 p.m. experience Patrick the Magician's Halloween Show! Bookmans' favorite magician, Patrick, will be performing a special show in honor of everyone's favorite costumed holiday.

BOOKMANS GRANT: Saturday, October 11th, 3-4 p.m.  Halloween Cookie Decorating. Get ready to break out the orange frosting! We'll be transforming cookies into delicious and scary treats.

BOOKMANS INA: On Wednesday, October 15th, 6-9 p.m. join us for Family Halloween Movie Night. We'll be screening The Nightmare Before Christmas and Hocus Pocus.

BOOKMANS MESA: Saturday, October 18th, 1-3 p.m. Dia de los Muertos Journal Decorating

BOOKMANS PHOENIX: Saturday, October 18th, 1 p.m. Madame M's Creepy Little Bedtime Stories! Join local author/illustrator Madame M for this spooky, fun-filled event.

ALL TUCSON STORES: On Saturday, October 18th, 2-5 p.m., swing by any Tucson store for a Kids Halloween Costume Party! You bring yourself in costume and we'll supply the games, treats, and fun crafts.

BOOKMANS GRANT: Saturday, October 18th, 3-4 p.m.  Storyteller Glenda Bonin will be telling spine-chilling ghost stories. 

BOOKMANS SPEEDWAY: On Sunday, October 19th, 3-4 p.m. experience Patrick the Magician's Halloween Show! Bookmans' favorite magician, Patrick, will be performing a special show in honor of everyone's favorite costumed holiday.

BOOKMANS INA: Wednesday, October 22nd, 3-4 p.m., Halloween Bag Decorating. Create your very own creepy n' crawly canvas bag!

BOOKMANS SPEEDWAY: On Wednesday, October 22nd, 6-9 p.m. join us for Family Halloween Movie Night. We'll be screening The Witches and Beetlejuice.

BOOKMANS SPEEDWAY: On Thursday, October 23rd, 4-6 p.m., join us for a Dia de los Meurtos Sugar Skull Worshop. Learn how you can make a traditional (or not-so-traditional) sugar skull, an integral part of the Day of the Dead tradition.

BOOKMANS FLAGSTAFF: On Saturday, October 25th, 11 a.m. to noon,  we'll have Halloween Arts n' Crafts with local art teacher Raquel Rotnes. 

BOOKMANS MESA: On Saturday, October 25th, 2-4 p.m. experience the Kids Halloween Carnival with limbo, a bean bag toss, and even a mad scientist!

BOOKMANS PHOENIX: Saturday, October 25th, at 1 p.m., join local artist/author Daniel M. Davis of SteamCrow Press for a monster-rific event filled with haikus, a costume contest, and a monster drawing workshop.

BOOKMANS GRANT: Wednesday, October 29th, 6-9 p.m.  Join us for Family Halloween Movie Night. We'll be screening The Nightmare Before Christmas and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

BOOKMANS PHOENIX: Thursday, October 30th, ALL DAY. National Candy Corn Day. We'll be giving away candy corn all day!

BOOKMANS MESA: On Thursday, October 30th, we'll be celebrating National Candy Corn Day from 4-6 p.m. by giving away free candy corn.

Wednesday, October 15th, 7-9 p.m.: Teen Dating Abuse
One in five teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner. Tonight parents will learn tips from Randy Koeppen on how to spot abuse in a teen relationship and ways to talk to your teen about this growing trend.

Wednesday, October 22nd, 7-9 p.m.: High Tech Abuse
Technologies such as the internet, email, and cell phones have provided benefits for victims of domestic violence. However, they have also opened up new avenues for abusers. Learns ways to keep yourself and loved ones safe in the cyberworld and beyond from Brady Clevenger.

Wednesday, October 28th, 7-9 p.m.: Abuse of a Loved One
What do you do if your friend or loved one is being abused? She could be your sister, your best friend, a neighbor, or a co-worker. Discover how to identify the signs of abuse, understand the complexities involved, and offer support, with Carl Mangold.

Stop by BOOKMANS PHOENIX or BOOKMANS MESA between now and Thursday, October 9th, and enter to win a pair of passes for the big show at the Cricket Pavilion in Phoenix.

Each store will have one pair of passes to give away, so that means two big winners. Winners will be notified by Saturday, October 11th.