by Taylor Birkey

Guest reviewer Taylor Birkey takes a look at one of today’s most popular subjects–Guy Guides. These are titles aimed, presumably, at making men more manly. We really shouldn’t judge. Any bookstore offers countless titles aimed at women, purportedly to help them be more womanly. Taylor’s light-hearted review of Mark Dawidziak’s Mark Twain’s Guide to Diet, Exercise, Beauty, Fashion, Investment, Romance, Health and Happiness arose innocently enough from the search for mustache trimming tips before falling into the land of self help.

Book Review: Mark Twain's Guide to Diet, Exercise, Beauty, Fashion, Investment, Romance, Health and Happiness by Mark Dawidziak

Is it odd how “Real Men’s Guides” popped up over the years? Hell, I read an article the other day on how to properly trim a mustache. The article includes detailed step-by-step instructions and full hand-drawn pictures from top to bottom. Does anyone know why we have this sudden burst in the dam of masculinity rule books and guides?

We “men” take to fishing in the river that men of yesteryear regularly used for bathing. I am all for aspiring to Lincoln-hood. If this is you, keep that mustache-less jaw warmer of a beard and any other classic icons of manhood, née humanity. Imagine if Lincoln was a whiskey-guzzling, celestial progeny, a rarefied highbrow side-splitter of a social commentator, and still managed to fend off the entire Confederate Army (except for that one guy)–that would be a man to aspire to. Most of us would settle for prodigy-esque commentator without the whole uniting a country deal.

Let there be no mistaking that Mark Twain’s Guide to Diet, Exercise, Beauty, Fashion, Investment, Romance, Health and Happiness by Mark Dawidziak is in fact a sorcerer’s concoction of the gentleman’s basic field survival guide to fashion, politics, God Almighty, and smoking and drinking among other things. Twain historians can introduce you to any 2-ton codex on the man’s life and it would be worth its weight in gold. For us common fishermen, we can only hope for a beacon of insight such as this. Just as the purists who insist only on curing the red-printed meat of Jesus’ own words over other biblical filler, I insist on nothing more than this 205 page, packed meat locker of quotes straight from Twain’s mouth. With genuine intellectual swiftness and a specific humor cultivated by a chance alignment with the stars (or an infamous comet) along with years of choreographed storytelling, readers hardly imagine they aren’t reading Plato as Merry Prankster. Layman get away with smoking cigars, drinking (whiskey’s your only option) and not exercising all day while sounding damn intelligent explaining your sudden lifestyle change.

A famous conman said, “Any crime done with a touch of class is dealt with by a much softer hand.” It’s agreeable to have a little class or at least a little understanding if you want to get ahead or get away with anything in this world. For those who decide against such an investment and find Twain a scholar to only those of his time:

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” — Mark Twain

* Bookmans is your store to explore. If you would like to pick up Mark Twain’s Guide to Diet, Exercise, Beauty, Fashion, Investment, Romance, Health and Happiness by Mark Dawidziak or another guy’s guide, please give us a call and we will check our shelves for you. Otherwise, we hope you will come and browse.