The man, the myth, the legend, beloved the world over. Just like King Midas, everything he touches turns to gold. Trying to explain why the world loves him is harder than trying to explain the vast and complex concept of the universe itself. He is so odd and fascinating. No matter what he does, it somehow seems to be so effortless and tranquil. Maybe being a jazz pianist and an accomplished actor has something to do with Jeff Goldblum’s endless likability.
Why is trying to explain his sexiness something that throws normally articulate people into a frenzy? Why is he such an amazing anomaly? Is it because he has been in so many classic films like The Fly or Jurassic Park? Is it because he’s not straightforwardly handsome? His oddly-unique style of acting that can come off deadpan at times or oh-so-smooth-and-sexy? I’m compelled to try to break down the very essence of Jeff Goldblum. This is an extremely daunting task, but with the power of science and his movie career on my side, I think it can be done.
Jeff Goldblum lives life to the fullest. And you can tell. He is always so happy and it’s contagious. If you have ever watched him on a talk show he makes the best guest; he’s quick with a joke and a pure joy to watch. He also a pretty interesting dude with hobbies only a man like Jeff Goldblum would have. For example, did you know he plays in a jazz band The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra? He mostly plays in hotels and bars and pretty much any city he is shooting in for a movie.
Jeff Goldblum could play a troll under a bridge and his charisma alone can make it work. In The Big Chill, he’s in his early thirties, and very thin and young. He is practically drowning in the sweaters and trench coats of the era. No matter how many layers he wears, his performance is mesmerizing. His wit is sharp and on point but that’s like pointing out that the sky is blue. This is where the world began to take serious notice of Goldblum’s charms. He went from “the guy from The Fly” to a bonafide sex symbol.
Fast forward to Jurassic Park a decade later. Goldblum bulked up to play the incredibly flirtatious chaos theory mathematician, Dr. Ian Malcolm. His curls are wild… this might be peak Goldblum. Dressed in all black, he glides across the screen with eyes shaded by tinted lenses and an unbuttoned shirt. He’s loose-limbed and lazy; the way he carries himself is beyond cool. I’d gladly reach my arm into dinosaur poo and be chased by hungry dinosaurs if it meant I got to be near this beautiful man.
Jeff Goldblum is a tall guy. I’m talking 6’4″ tall. Pair that with his beautiful olive skin and you have the perfect storm that practically exudes pheromones. In the 1995 romantic comedy Nine Months, Jeff says things that would be undoubtedly come off offensive said by anyone else. In one scene, Goldblum is dressed in a tight henley shirt and describing the 25-year old he’s dating to his friend (played by Hugh Grant): “Her skin is like a ribbon of candy. Breasts like sponge cakes. Her calves are like a calzone. I mean, highly edible.”
Those lines would be downright sleazy from anyone else’s mouth, but Goldblum delivers it in a way that feels genuine and somehow not so creepy. His intensity and honesty sell what the says in movie after movie.
One thing Jeff Goldblum has always done incredibly well is making smart sexy. In Independence Day, Jeff brings his signature Goldblum stutter (mumble?) to bear and it is just unforgettable. Whatever you call it, it just works. If it wasn’t for him, they wouldn’t have saved the day. Clearly, Jeff Goldblum has such gravitas that he can make any character of his ooze confidence, even an awkward scientist. If you try to say otherwise you must have watched a different movie.
The world can’t get enough Jeff Goldblum and I’m right there with them. National Geographic recently greenlit a show starring the man, working title The Curiosity of Jeff Goldblum. The show is going to be him walking around being fascinated by things. This already sounds like the best show ever to be made. I can’t wait for it to air, so, in the meantime, I’m going to have a Goldblum marathon!
Pssst, I’ll let you in on a cool secret, you can get your fix of Jeff Goldblum flix at your local Bookmans!
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