If you know me, you’ll know I am almost totally uncultured when it comes to movies. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love watching movies. But the list I have accumulated over the years of “must-watch movies” (or so my friends tell me) has just grown way out of hand. So, based on my limited knowledge of pop culture, here’s my attempt at explaining a movie plot for some movies I definitely should have seen by now.

Mulan


A capable girl has to pretend to be a man to be taken seriously.

Fight Club


A group of people start a club that they can’t talk about.

Star Wars


Father reunites with a long-lost son and encourages him to take over the family business.

The Never-Ending Story


It’s a long story…

Harry Potter


A guy with no nose obsesses over an orphan boy for years.

Batman Begins


Billionaire devotes his entire life savings to cosplay goals.

The Silence of the Lambs


Man on a quest to find the perfect outfit even if he has to make it himself.

The Dark Knight


Ugly clown trolls a city to annoy a billionaire.

Beauty and the Beast


A love story that looks a lot like Stockholm Syndrome.

The Matrix


Guy plays a video game using all the cheat codes.

Jumanji


Worst family game night. Ever.

Cinderella


A host is very persistent in returning lost property to his guests.

Titanic


Rich girl hogs a raft and lets a poor man freeze to death after a boat trip.

Lord of the Rings


Men spend nine hours returning some jewelry they don’t want.

Movie plot twist! Somehow, even though I work in the land of 4-K, Blu-rays, and DVDs, I still can’t always find the time to watch them. Hopefully, someday I will be able to catch up on pop culture and check some movies off my bucket list. Until then, I will continue to explain movie plots badly until I know more than just the gist.