Skyrim Glitches Make for Hilarity

By C’loni Bailey, Assistant Manager at Bookmans Mesa

Everyone who plays The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim on PC, XBOX 360 or PS3 knows that some of the most memorable and hilarious moments come from unexpected glitches in the game. Dragons flying backwards and shooting fire out of their rears, floating corpses and whole body parts missing from characters make the game a more amusing experience. Skyrim glitches multiply through the use of fan made mods on PC to change the way the game looks or plays. Mods are fun but don’t always work flawlessly and so can also result in hilarious glitches.

I returned to the world of Tamriel after a hiatus of a couple years and was reminded of how much Skyrim is like an old friend. One does not finish Skyrim; you play it for a while, go away for a few years, then come back like you never left. The game allows the player an amazing amount of freedom. You can play it however you want to! Want to battle dragons and giants all day long? You can do that! Want to spend all your time blacksmithing in Whiterun and completely ignore the rest of the game? You can do that! Want to add a mod that turns all dragons into Thomas the Tank Engine? You can do that too!

I married a werewolf, misplaced my husband and then accidentally cloned him. Life is harsh in Skyrim. Dragons, bandits, wolves and all manner of supernatural beings stalk the landscape trying to murder you, so the people of Skyrim tend not to live long. That doesn’t stop them from wanting to experience the bond of matrimony. Fortunately, the game allows you to do so! To get married, purchase an Amulet of Mara (the patron goddess of marriage) and wear it while talking to whichever character you wish to marry. There are dozens of potential spouses available. Then visit a Temple of Mara to hold the wedding ceremony.

My character, Skaia, a Redguard archer, pursued the hand of Vilkas, one of the Companions, a close knit group of warriors who are also werewolves. Skaia dutifully completed all the quests to become a werewolf and earn the trust of the Companions. Then she and Vilkas married at the Temple of Mara in Riften.

At the ceremory, Vilkas seemed excited about our impending nuptials, yet we had barely finished saying, “I do,” when he bolted from the temple. Skaia ran after him, searching for him outside the temple, but he was no where to be found. Puzzled, I used the fast travel feature to head back to Jorrvaskr (the Companion’s home base), hoping Vilkas had gone home. Nope. Not there either.

After an hour of searching for my newlywed absentee husband, I went online to search the forums to see if any other players had this happen. They had. Turns out that after we got married, Vilkas decided to WALK all the way across the country back to Jorrvaskr, per his AI normal programming, which takes almost a WEEK in game! No wonder I couldn’t find him anywhere! After waiting an in-game week (about 20 minutes using the wait feature) my husband finally made it back home and we were reunited.

This would not be the end to our marital woes.

A few days later (in real world time), Skaia left her hubby in their lovely new castle (a mod downloaded from the Nexus website) and went adventuring without him. I was in northern Skyrim, wandering the snowy woods near Dawnstar. Who do I see running towards me from out of nowhere but my dear Vilkas–missing all of his clothing. My initial reaction was, “What are you doing here and what happened to your clothes?!” Upon speaking to him, I realized that not only was he missing his clothing, but that he had no recollection of our marriage. He didn’t even recognize me! The glitch fairy had struck again.

Again I searched the Internet in an attempt to figure out what went wrong, but there was no precedence for this sort of thing. I was out of luck. I returned to my castle to find Vilkas in our mead hall, drinking and dancing in his skivvies. I decided to do what any frustrated wife in Skyrim would do. I killed him and resurrected him to see if that would reset his programming. Completely normal behavior in Skyrim, I assure you. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.

My drunk, amnesiac husband continued to dance in his underwear like no one was watching while I wracked my brain for another brilliant idea to save my doomed marriage. Dejected, I turned to leave the room when lo and behold! There was a SECOND Vilkas standing behind me! This other Vilkas was fully clothed in the armor I gave him and remembered that we were married! Through my clever keyboard witchery, I managed to create a Vilkas clone.

Now I have an undressed clone of my husband hanging out in my castle and drinking my mead. I’m not sure what to do with him, but I think I’ll leave him alone. He seems to be enjoying himself. I love this game.

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